Almost everything can wait. That's the first thing to know, because the first week arrives with a to-do list that feels like it's on fire. Most of it isn't. This is the short list of what genuinely can't wait - and the phrases that get you off the phone fast.
Actually urgent
- The legal paperwork of the death itself (the funeral home or hospital walks you through this - let them lead)
- Telling the people who must hear it from you, not from a post (see the scripts piece if the calls feel impossible)
- Their dependents and pets - who's covering the next 72 hours
- Securing the home if it's now empty: locks, a neighbor, the post
- Your own basics: one meal a day, water, somewhere to sleep. You are on the list
Feels urgent, can wait
- Banks, subscriptions, accounts (weeks or months from now is fine)
- Their belongings (months; years; whenever)
- Thank-you notes - nobody who matters is counting
- Any decision that can't be undone: selling, moving, quitting. Grief's first weeks are the worst possible boardroom
The phone phrase
"I'm dealing with a death in the family. I need [the thing]. I can't stay on the line long." Repeat as needed. You don't owe call centers your composure or your story.