Children can handle the truth. What they can't handle is confusion - and the soft words adults reach for are confusing. "We lost grandpa" (then why isn't anyone looking for him?). "She went to sleep" (then why does bedtime suddenly feel dangerous?). Plain words are kinder: died. Dead. "His body stopped working and can't be fixed."
By rough age
- Little ones (under ~5) will ask the same questions on repeat - when is she coming back? - not from pain but because permanence is a hard concept. Answer plainly, every time, without alarm
- School-age children often worry it's their fault, or that you'll die next. Say the quiet part for them: "Nothing you did caused this. I'm healthy and I plan to be here a long time"
- Teenagers may grieve sideways - in their room, with their friends, in music, in silence. Sideways still counts. Stay near; don't force the conversation
Let them see you sad. A wobbly "I'm crying because I miss grandma, and missing someone is what love does" teaches them more about feelings than a hundred brave faces. You're not protecting them from grief by hiding yours - you're teaching them it has to be hidden.
And you don't have to do this while whole. A cried-through answer, honestly given, is a good answer. You're allowed to be breaking and still be the parent. Most grieving parents are exactly both.