Nobody knows how to plan a funeral; everyone who has done it learned in the same terrible week you're in now. First, breathe: the funeral director does far more of this than you think - the body, the paperwork, the venue logistics, the legal registrations. Their job is the machinery. Yours is only the decisions that make it your person's funeral.
The five decisions that are actually yours
- 1 · Burial or cremation (if they left wishes, this is decided; if not, family consensus beats speed - this one can't be undone)
- 2 · The venue and shape: religious, civil, graveside, tiny, big. "What would they have wanted?" and "what can we carry?" are both legitimate compasses
- 3 · Who speaks, and who leads it - a celebrant or officiant carries the day so the family doesn't have to perform
- 4 · The touches that make it them: the music in and out, the photo, the flowers or the no-flowers, the dress code they'd have laughed at
- 5 · The money: ask for the itemized price list (you're entitled to it), and let someone level-headed sit with you when you review it. Grief is the worst negotiator; funerals can be dignified at nearly any budget
Everything else - the flowers, food, lifts, printing, the day itself - the "Before the memorial" piece on this shelf covers in full: what to delegate, and the two things worth protecting for yourself. This page is only the start; that one is the day.